Wednesday 4th April 2018, 12:50pm
It’s early in the afternoon and the weather, for a change, is holding up. The sun’s rays prod at the fluffy masses of languidly floating clouds, and a breeze dances through the gap in the open window. My agenda for the day: finding a new job. For the past six years I have worked in retail. Dealing with customers, maintaining standards, working my way up to become a store manager, hating it and quitting – to find myself positioned at another retail store. The cycle of life(?) or the cycle of retail. It’s a colossal machine, who’s familiarity sucks one back, time and time again and this false sense of belonging is probably (as well as life being life; throwing countless obstacles in the way) what restricts people, preventing them from finding the courage to search for something new. Honestly, I have probably met around 5 people in these six years that have actually enjoyed their jobs. It’s so demoralizing to work, day in and day out with people who invest so much of their time hating their job that it turns the air sour and every shift becomes more and more unbearable because of this seed of negativity they’ve planted. This is, unfortunately, the person I have become – and it is with every regret that I say it.
So, this morning, after pushing myself to the edge, I began to search for something new. Nothing in life is easy – especially if you want it so bad, but, the intermediate nature of finding a job that doesn’t require years of experience or a higher education qualification is almost mythical. I ponder on the subject for some hours. I reflect in the shower, doing the dishes and other mundane chores: ‘do I have to get a degree?’ – 43% of me says yes. This percentage is composed of the rose-tinted view I have of fashion students, the fact that I would actually have a degree and the aspiration of (possibly) having a high(er) paid job at the end of it. As for the other 57% of me that dwells in doubt, I cannot argue. The other 57% of me is the fighter who is defiant that I will fall into an unexpected path; a road to the successful unknown.
If there’s anybody out there that could share some advice with me, I would forever be indebted because this is a really weird stage in my life where I want to be going somewhere but I’m stuck in the realms of my own self-doubt and restrictions.
Chloe XO ✨